~ Your self-worth is determined by you. You don't have to depend on someone to tell you who you are ~
How often do you stop yourself from doing things because you think you’re not good enough? That you won’t do it well enough? That you’re not clever enough? Strong enough? Interesting enough? Thin enough? Funny enough? Pretty enough? Brave enough? That there’s no point trying because it won’t be as good as someone else’s effort, afraid to voice your opinion in case it’s ‘wrong’ or frowned upon?
Or do you feel that you always have to prove yourself, always have to try harder, always running around after everyone else, always striving to show signs of success through your money, job, car, clothes, phone…?
I’ll let you into a secret – most other people feel this way too.
Pretty much every person I coach has some aspect of not feeling good enough. In fact, I challenge you to find anyone who doesn’t have some level of not feeling good enough.
Even me. When I first started out on this journey, I struggled with not feeling good enough.
I was terrified to make my website public – “people will think it’s rubbish” (I’m not clever/creative enough).
I was terrified to state opinions – “what if people disagree? What if I'm wrong” (I’m not clever enough)?
I really didn’t want my photo out there – “people will think I look stupid” (I’m not attractive enough) and “they’ll be able to put a face to the stupid person writing the stupid things” (not clever enough).
I had some big hang ups about being intelligent enough to make it all work.
What is not feeling good enough all about?
It all stems from feelings of low self worth or self esteem, whereby you either shy away from things for fear of messing it up, or you throw yourself into something to prove you are good enough. Either way, it’s only a matter of time before you feel the consequences – anxiety, self doubt, low mood, high stress levels…
So what does all this have to do with chronic pain?
Surprisingly to some, quite a lot.
If we imagine chronic pain to be the messenger who’s trying to warn of something amiss, then that something amiss can often be the emotions and feelings of discontent caused by low self worth. Once the pain message is delivered, we usually fail to understand it, interpreting it as a sign of tissue damage. When standard treatments fail to take the pain away, our feelings of fear, anxiety and frustration ramp up which feeds the pain more, starting a vicious cycle of chronic pain.
What can we do about it?
Our self worth is rooted in events that happen in childhood. A little seed is sown in your mind that you’re not as perfect as you at first believed, and it grows from there. A comment, a look that reinforces your new ‘not good enough’ belief and it quickly becomes your new reality.
And then you live the rest of your life according to this new ‘reality’ that you formed when you were a child, probably before the age of 7.
You don’t question it, you don’t review it, you just keep on plodding along with the same belief you decided upon when you were 6 or 8 or 12 years old!
BUT you are NOT the same person as you were as a child.
Do you still believe that jelly and ice-cream is the best pudding ever invented? Do you still get scared reading Fairy Tales? Do you still cry because someone messed up your doll’s hair or favourite toy car? (OK, so maybe a bit but not like when you were little!)
The point is that things change. People change.
You can review your beliefs and update them based upon what you know now as an adult. You’re able to use reason and logic to rationalise past events and ascertain what’s truth and what’s outdated beliefs that no longer serve you. And you can update your beliefs based upon all the awesome things you’ve done, based upon all the things you’ve learned, based upon all the life experience you have and all the things you’ve achieved.
This is one of the first steps to being able to move on, to eliminate self doubt, self criticism and take the pressure off yourself. With that comes freedom to think and feel and do without limitation, to trust in yourself and offer yourself the love and protection you truly deserve. And to move towards a pain free life.
If this resonates with you, I'd love to be your guide on this next chapter of your life. For the past 6 years I've been helping my clients take their life and self worth back in 'Chiron’s Chronic Pain Release Coaching Programme’ my online signature programme. Apply today here to learn your next steps. Serious enquiries only.